New Year

New Year's is around the corner, and every new year there is a resolution that we reach at the beginning of a New Year, but let's recap 2011. Many good things happen to me this year, so many growth happened in my life and thanks to Many people in my life and sometimes we need to give where the merit belongs to. Let's start with my immediate family. First, my husband Michael thank you so much for being an understanding husband you are my eternal gift, because you let me shine as bright as I can, and when I fall ur always there to catch me and remind me that I strong enough to do it. Your belief in me is extraordinary and you are an amazing father to our three children. I know sometimes I don't acknowledge all the hard work you invest in this family, but you are a man that his family is everything. We have had our good moments as well as our bad moments, but what couple doesn't. That just states that we do communicate with each other and while we might disagree in certain things, we always find a middle ground. We are going now on 10 years of marriage that has made us both appreciate each other better and both of us have grown so much in this couple of years together. So, were difficult growth, but the difficult growth have solidified us to withstand the strongest of storms. Next, my children I see the innocence that I lost at early age, and soak all their innocence and happiness. How the enjoy their stages of their life. They remind me how beautiful life truly is they inspire me that I can do anything I put my mind to. I am truly blessed with the family I created, and taught me to appreciate what I have now and the past is the past. My valuable friends that surround my life yes, we might be different in age, but there always we find something that unites us. Let's start with my dear friend and advisor Angie Collin you don't know all the immense help u have brought into my life. You truly are a God send you truly are a gift and a talent for this world. I want to thank you for the bottom of my heart for being so patient and understanding with me. Thank you for guiding that light in the right direction. The light was turned on, but it needed it guidance to continue on the right path, because sometimes my path before you was still a little fog, and you help me through that fog and helping me evolve that inner energy I kept hidden from the world. Thank you Thank you.

Tere Priest- You have been an amazing friend given me the warmth and love unconditionally without questioning. You have that mother energy that I wanted in a mother. You are a strong and independent woman that loves her children no matter what. You also leak that motherly energy to your friends especially the one's that need it. Your kids are so lucky to have an amazing mother. Your kids don't need a Christmas Present, because they have it every year and every second they spend it with you. You are a gift to this world and to my life. I love you Tere thank you for always being a supportive friend and giving unconditional love.

Anna Rogers- We have had learning curves in this relationship. I had to learn from this relationship that I can not hinder your growth, because that is what I was doing. The only thing I can do is give you an advice and hope you take it to heart that it comes from the right place, but I can not get upset if you don't. Learning boundaries in our friendship. You are a talented and creative human that has helped in my growth as well in believing in me as a friend and performer, and I want to thank you for always welcoming me in your life. Every friendship has those bumpy roads, but I believe that when we feel something we need to express to each other that is why we are friends.. Thank you for inspiring me.

Marisol Torres- what can I say girl, my partner in crime. We came into our lives that we both have lights inside but for some reason we both together light up the room and no other lights are needed. You are such a giver, loving, and caring mother. There is always a reason why people come into our lives and like I said we are radiant women that we radiate even more when the tag team is togther. You truly are my soul sister, and thank you for believing in my creative outlets and being as supportive as you have been till this point. You are one of those unique individuals that have belief in people way before you truly know them, me on the other hand is the overly cautious time, we compliment each other girl. Thank God for bringing an awesome soul sister into my life.

Casey Priest- I have known to know you better this couple of months. You are going to be an amazing gift to that son of yours, because you had a good example in your mother. Things will be difficult, but not impossible. You are a warrior and I know you will acheive all your goals. You are a remarkable young woman and that child is going to be lucky to have a mother like you. I didn't add other people, because they just came into my life recently, but I am loving those people as well.

I guess my wish for the New Year is I want to continue the same journey with this amazing people in my life, and whoever else decides to be part of my journey. Thank you God for giving gifts, even if I didn't receive one ounce of material gift you have given me an amazing big present for having this people in my life, and may it continue in 2012. I am happy truly and deeply and thankful.

Foundation

In this pass of couple of weeks the word,"Foundation," has come up so many times. I grew up a certain ways of viewing life and people. I am who I am for those experiences in my life, because it has made me in the person I am. I think if I hadn't gone through the stuff that I went through my life I won't be the person I am. My parents were not the model people in my life, because my sperm donor which I call him that, because he really didn't play a positive role in my life just brought negatives stuff into my life, and my mother I didn't know that well I just know of what people tell me about her, the only thing I know about my mother is that she let a man put a hand on her with any excuse and she would excuse his behavior and cover the bad stuff for him so let's say my early childhood wasn't the best to build a proper foundation due to my parents and my father's family the only thing that kept me sane were my grandparents that loved me and supported me and let me be a child, although they weren't the awesome example as well, because they tended to be overprotective among other stuff. I didn't have any example on how to be a mother, but I was never afraid to become a mother, because from the ages of 5-9 I was the one parenting my siblings. So, when I got pregnant at seventeen I was happy I was going to be a mother. I had to begin my parenting at an early age. A healthy foundation is enjoying the stages of your life, but I completely skipped my early childhood that I became an adult, but an adult with regulations. My foundation that I had before was like putting that face foundation to cover the blemishes, and open pores in your face so people have the illusion that everything is good when actuality that blemishes and open pores are there it is just an illusion created to make look fine. I got married to a good man that enjoys and loves who I am, but I even told him at one point I don't know who I am, because everybody put stuff in my head that now that I have all this freedom and no clouds coming in to make me lose sight,and not letting me see beyond those clouds. People knew what I needed to do in my life, people thought that they knew and judged me for what they thought about me, but after I got away from all that I was able to going beyond and putting on that illusionary foundation that just hid the surface, but there was no true foundation there. I have had my highs and my lows and from both things I have learned, I have learned from my husband, his family, and my children. I am building my own permanent foundation so no matter what happens that foundation remains firm. I don't have to impress anyone, I don't have to please everyone, the only opinion that matters for me is what I think of myself. It is the person I see in the mirror everyday and try to be a good person, good wife, a good daughter, and mother. I am done with the fake foundations we build, because when we realize about those foundations that are just an illusion we are lost and we need to restart and create one from the beginning but this time we have to make sure it is not like a house of card which will tumble and fall. Remember to build a good foundation we need patience, careful to detail, and know and understand that the job is done correctly.

Running all over but Good

I have not written in so long, but it is all good. I have been busy with sewing I just need to go take my sewing machine to be fixed so I can continue with my work. After that situation gets worked out I will be able to put some item on sale in my etsy store. My photography work is going well hey I am not getting paid as I would like to, but it is just the art in it and the editing that is entertaining to me, hanging out with my friends on the weekend having girl talk about our lives. Official photographer for the Dr. Sketchy's and the Sizemology Muses that I have good faith that there will be awesome results out of this two endeavors. I may be running around, but I love it when I am busy like a bee. Halloween is fast approach us so I have two things on my plate the boudoir party for awesome women that want to give their significant other a little treat, and my Halloween pachaga since our neighborhood is so small we dont have so many trick or treaters. So, I decided to do something with my close friends and family. I love being busy and I will write soon enough when I have something insightful to say for now this busy bee is going to bed gotta take kiddos to school in the morning.

Amor

I haven't written in a while, because sometimes you have so many stuff going on in your life, and then it comes to a point where you want to write about something, because something pops in your head and you just want to pour out and write. I saw these movie various times and still didn't get the idea of the movie, because it dealt more about an elder relationship and I couldn't get close to the idea of the movie. It made me understand that you have to love and sometimes that love is not going to respond in the same way, and you become unglued, but you have to see the good times you had in that relationship and not dwell in the negative angle of how the relationship ended, but the good times you had with that person, and understand how much you loved that person and the importance that person played in your life. When I had my heart broken it hurt like hell, but you know what I enjoyed every last minute of that love and I was so happy, because I enjoyed that relationship. We can not be afraid to love, because we are afraid to get hurt, because we are leaving ourselves empty inside, because how are we going to learn how to fall before we can learn how to fly. I am very happy to say that I know how to love deeply with all my heart and soul. My children will go through the same, and I know as a parent I don't want to see them hurt, because of heartbreak, but what they should get from that is that they do know how to love and show it with all their might. While I will hurt next to my children, because of their heartbreak I never want them to give up on love or become cynics about love. Love is beautiful it might be painful at times, but at the same time it could be so amazing that feels like pure happiness. Love is not all that pretty at times not like it comes out in novels or novelas where the heroine and the hero fly into the sunset together. Love is a mess, disorder, and chaos, but it is also serenity, happiness, and enjoy the moments that you have together.

Uncluttering project 1

I had to pick a room in my house to start with, and I ended it up picking my room and out of my bedroom the first spot I picked was the closet. It is not as easy as it seems to unclutter something that has been cluttered for so long. It is getting better to get my room, but there is still more work to do in the closet, because the years of piling stuff and more stuff is not going to go away in a minute or in a day or even days it might take me a while but I will get there until that part of the project is complete. I shouldn't feel defeat I am fighting a war towards clutter, and some wars may last a while, but for sure I am going to win this war and that is what I see at the end of the tunnel the awesomeness of unclutterness and more organization in my life. People it is not easy but it is not impossible. Still the mental work involving of why you piled on to those items, so you won't repeat the same offense again. The correction in this is the psychology behind those items that are still in your closet. I took a minor break first, because it was overwhelming;secondly, my friends father died surprisingly and I really want to be there to support her, because I understand the pain of losing a parent; Lastly, my grandma lost her brother he died of a heart attack. While there are cloudy days in this people's lives due to their lose I will just pull out my umbrella when it begins to rain, because this are important ladies in my life one is my friend and the other one is my grandma.

Project 3 Sewing

I made another dress for Angela of the same pattern, and ofcourse with the help of my mother-in-law. THank you again to my mother-in-law for her help.

Project 2 Sewing

I had the pleasure of making an outfit for my Goddaughter for her birthday, and my sister sent me some pictures. I have to thank my sister for sending me the pictures of my work, and I need to thank my mother-in-law for helping me with this tenacious project. It was a fulfilling project, because I put a smile on a strong lil lady.

Uncluttering the mind

I am in the process in my life to unclutter items from my life, but first I have to start with the uncluttering of my mind. My goal for this week is to write is the vision of what I see my life. First, where do I see myself living? I see myself living here in Knoxville,TN. It is a good place to raise my family and I love the community here. How would I earn my income? I would be so pleased to earn an incoming by doing the stuff that I love for starters my photography. I need to be less nice and more business smart, because I can not give my work for free or take myself for granted that is for sure. Secondly, improving and the second thing that involves my sewing and maybe combining my two passions and bringing some fashion in the lives of amazing women, and the beauty of my camera lens to show those amazing women with my products. How would my days look like? Organized knowing where I can find my photography stuff and my sewing stuff, because it will make both of my jobs so much easier. What would I do for fun? THis would be a simple question to answer, but I have never asked myself that before. I guess what I would find fun to do is go somewhere in the beach where there is a nice breeze and in a shady spot and run a good book with something cold to drink I think I would find that fun. What would you do more of? Increasing my knowledge in the two items that are my passion photography and sewing, believe if there was a school of fashion design near by I would be there in a heartbeat, but both of the nearest fashion design schools are so far that it would be hard for me, due to the fact that I have smaller children. Maybe when they have grown up I don't know maybe I will cross that bridge when it gets to it. What would I do less of? The continous picking up in my house, because there is always a mess my house it is embarrassing inviting friends over, because there is always a mess somewhere in my house. That is why I deciding to work on this 52 week plan of uncluttering my life and my household. Let's see where this part of my journey it will take me.

Project 1 of Sewing

I have to say it takes so much to learn about sewing, but I wasn't going to give up, because I am not a quitter. I admit some aspect of the sewing is so nerve wrecking, because you need to fix any little mistake you make. What I got out of my first project yes it is hard to understand certain terminology at times it feels like you are brain dead, but after you understand the point it is awesome the outcome, and I have to say it teaches you patience. I think it is a good learning experience for people that are impatient, because it does really does teach patience as well as the rewarding experience you get at the end of the work. The first project I decided to do is a dress for my youngest, and I times I was overly excited to see her expression when she saw that I made a dress for her, and I couldn't wait I think that is what produced my impatience, because I wanted to see her expression when she saw her dress made by mommy. I have to say the wait was well worth she looked so beautiful and she wore it for one of my friend's daughter birthday party, and she wore it with her favorite boots. My little girl is a firecracker.

Easter

Today was easter and we decided to spend it at my in-laws house. We all had a good time at my in laws and a good dinner. I love my children very much they mean the world to me it warms my heart to see them happy and smiling, and enjoying each moment that they had today if it was eating chocolates the bunny brought, or if it was playing around, or even sitting around the table having dinner and enjoying each other's company. I love my kids I don't know how many times I can see it. I can happily say they are my muses that inspire me each and everyday with their ideas and energy and their unconditional love for their dad and I. If you want to get anything from this blog enjoy your children make them happy and enjoy the moments that they are happy at the simplest of things.

Changes

Sometimes we have to say farewell to certain things that do not serve us in our lives , because we outgrow something, or because it came to at time where there needs to be a change. Throughout my life I have seen people live their dreams whether they believe in it or not, and while I do that I end up putting my dreams in the back burner. I have to focus on my main goal which is getting my dreams rolling like my photography, as well as the new endeavor I want to engage in. I have positive feelings about this new changes although I might leave something behind that are going to leave a bittersweet memory. I also realized I found something else I like and it was a very freeing experience and I didn't think I would like it that much, but it made me feel so great, that I want to repeat the experience. What I have to say about this always keep an open mind when trying new experience that goes out from your safety zone, and particularly me that is afraid of performing in front of people, and I ended it up performing in front of people by myself for the first time every and I didn't have that gut wrench experience that I was going to lose it or faint. I was really excited about that. While it is sad to let go of certain things I think for right now it is the right thing for me to do.

Belated Valentine's Day

This year I did not go out to get a valentine's day card for my hubby or go out with him to eat for valentine's, because all the restaurants are jammed packed with other people being there for Valentine's Day. I want to tell that special man that is in my life and has been through ups and downs with me that I love him beyond words. What makes this man extraordinary is that he lets me be me, there are so few men out there that let women to be individuals or equals. My husband is truly a gem or a diamond. He is always supportive to whatever I want to do, ofcourse he advices me when I am getting in sticky water, but he says to me that he will always be there for me, and I believe him, because he has shown to me time and time again. I wouldn't change him for the world or trade him for that matter. Like all couples we have our moments, but I am starting to let go of those pity differences and looking at the quality of man I got, not every woman can say that. I love you Michael for being the man you are and loving me for who I am, even sometimes with my crazy ideas. You are the light of my life and you bring me love, peace, and balance in this chaotic world. I love you babe. You are the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Love ya Wifey Nineette. Hey girls get a guy that values you for who you are not for something he wishes you to be and never let other men change you to please their way, because in the long run you are going to lose yourself.

New Directions

I am on a mental block right now, because there are so many things running through my head at once, and that is one of the things I need to correct, because I can not let to much run through my head, because I might have a short circuit. I need to focus on my photography and pretty much set it out in full gear and not question my art, because there are people that are not going to like the way I take pictures, but there are other people that my love my work. I just have to keep up with the punches and just dust myself off and keep on moving and stop going backward or let other people question my work. I also have a new project that I am working on and we will see how that new endeavor will go, but I have a positive vibe out of it, and it feels so great that I get the support from my mother-in-law for this new project I want to endeavor. Never let anybody question your dreams, continue on and follow that dream, because sooner or later that dream will become reality.

New Year

I guess everybody decide to hit a resolution for the beginning of the year. I didn't decide for one, because I prefer to work in different angles of my life, not in one thing in particular, I guess I must have sensitive skin that I don't take things very well. When you are blind-sided would anyone take it well? I don't think anyone would, and in a way I felt betrayed and it created it so much anger and resentment, and still now it is like an open wound that just pouring a little bit of lemon in it, it still stings, because I just feel betrayed and I don't know how to remove that feeling. I am the type of person that whatever I feel about the person either be negative or positive I tell them to their face and not put a front that I like you. I am not like that like in spanish "siempre se habla con la verdad desde el principio." "Always speak with the truth head on from the beginning." I am a person that has feelings I am not made out of a rock, but I guess some people put me in those positions where I just have to repress those emotions, because they hurt me deep. I am not saying I am the best person to get along with for some people I give the wrong impression and other people just don't understand, but for the most part people that know me I am a loyal friend and I will go far beyond my means for my friends and the only thing I asked back for is respect of me as a person that has feelings.