unexpected

Sometimes things happen in our lives that it is unexpected, but instead of crying about it or wonder why it happen, we should think of the lesson learned from that experience. Almost three weeks ago my niece was taken to the hospital and had to have surgery in her head, because she had a AVM. Most of you are wondering what is an AVM well an AVM is "An Arterio-Venous Malformation, or AVM, is an abnormal collection of blood vessels. Normally, oxygenated blood is pumped by the heart through branching tubes called arteries to the brain, where it enters a fine network of tiny vessels called capillaries. It is in these capillary beds where the blood nourishes the tissues. The “used” (deoxygenated) blood then passes back to the heart through branching thin walled tubes called veins. Arterial-Venous Malformations are areas that lack the tiny capillaries. The location of the connection between the artery and the vein is called the shunt. The area of tissue is called a nidus of the AVM. An AVM can be thought of as a "Short Circuit" where the blood does not go to the tissues but is pumped through the shunt and back to the heart without ever giving nutrients to the tissues." It was really touch and go with her, she was in a real rollercoaster ride, and has been affecting everybody around her that love her. We carry our little bundles of joy for nine months in our wombs and they are safe in there, because they are inside our body, but when they are outside they get exposed to so many elements as well as we don't know with some of the stuff they might have been born with. It is so hard to see your child on so many machines around her and not understanding what is going on with her, and what you can do to make it better. That is what my sister and her husband had to go through. Share the most that you have out of this life and tell those people around you how much you love them, and not because you have to but, because you feel it inside. I forget sometimes to tell my kids how much I love them and how happy they make me, but that thing with my niece made me realize that I need to show love to my children, because I don't know what I would do if I saw one of my children in the same situation my sister went through with her child. It is a learning experience for me, because God forbid if something were to happen to me or one of my children and I never told them how much light they have brought into my life. They are the world to me. Let's show our children how much we love them and appreciate them for the person they are, because we don't know what is awaiting for us the next day.

Innocence

I get so excited when I see those happy smiles on my children, because I wish my siblings and I would have had those moments, but they were stolen from us. I got my children new shoes and play mask for halloween, and they were so excited to play with them it brought a sparkle in my heart, because I enjoy seeing them happy. Sometimes we forget how remarkable those ages are and how ingenious they can be. I love my little children they fight with each other, but when it comes one of them is in trouble they are thick as thieves.

Performance on Last friday

My dance troupe we got to perform again in the prince's deli, and I thought I was going to be nervous or throw up, because that is what I usually do. Last performance I felt like a total failure, because I almost flaked out and let the fear control, but in this performance the medicine helped as well as meditation, which I have never done, but it felt so awesome not having the urge to go to the bathroom and throw up. I have performance anxiety take over my life for to long, but I am putting the effort right now to do something about it, because I can not let it stop me from doing what I like to do, which is dance and perform with my troupe. We did awesome with one of our new numbers. I might be restating what I said in my previous blogs, but don't let fear consume your life it is weakening to anyone go out there and don't let the fear control you.

New Adventure

A friend and I are embarking on a new adventure. I will admit I am quite nervous, because it means performing in front of other people and by myself. This is an amazing experience for me, because while I am scared I need to face my fear head on. I am excited, because has to do with so much of empowerment as a female, but I will write more about it, because write now it is in the rough draft state, and I need to work on it, but for sure I got a stage name. What I want my followers to get from this. Don't let the fear control you, because if you do it will end up controlling your whole life, and where are you going to be if you let the fear take a hold of your life?

Old wounds resurface

I got somebody that I love very dearly go through a painful experience that I went through at one point in my life which is a miscarriage. I know how she is feeling right now, it feels like an abyss that you don't know how to get your way out of it. You have so many feelings running through you, especially when you had the illusion of expecting another child in your life, and for some reason it doesn't happen. I want to say to that person you are not alone and I love you, and while you and I have difference's of opinion my heart is with you in this very moment and always. I want you to always remember that Angel you lost as a beautiful memory and don't stay in the hurt and the pain, because it will consume you and surround yourself about the people that will give you the proper support. I love you with all my heart. I am also go to put something that I wrote in a Blog long time ago, about my little Angel that wasn't able to be born. If you don't want to talk about it at least write it out, and share with other people your experiences. I love you again. Here goes the Excerpt of one of my old blog that will stay with me always. "This is in dedication to my son John that is not with us. I know you weren;t given the chance to keep on growing, or the chance to take your first breath, so many first that you missed. I want you to always remember that I do carry you very deep in my heart, and I still remember you and I won't forget you. I wanted to see you grow and tell me mama, but we will see each other again. I LOVE U SWEETIE. MOMMY LOVES U..My sweet angel that is watching over us. I will not say goodbye to you or forget you, the only thing I can say while you were still here you made me the most happiest person in the world, and I will not remember you as a pain or a guilt, but as somebody that I loved with all my heart even with my own life I wanted you so very much, and your father as well. I just cry once in a while remembering you, but as one of those beautiful memories that I would have wished that it would have fruitified. Thank you for given me the time to feel you and know that you were there. I love you my son John Patrick Williams (RIP JAN 2004)."

Angie's Birthday

Angie invited me to brunch with her other friends as well as her husband. I felt good around all these people shall we say they all had good energy. Later, I was invited to take pictures of Angie while she was going to get ready for her 30th birthday party, which was a treat for me, because to take pictures is a real treat for me. So, thank you Angie for including me in your amazing day that meant so much to me.

Dance Performance

A couple of months ago, I stepped into a dance studio kind of nervous didn't know what I was going to expect, because most of the people that know me I don't like to try new stuff. I hit a certain point in my life that I needed to make a change, because I felt so depressed on the course my life wasn't moving the way I wanted it too, so I decided to do something out of my comfort zone and went into the dance studio to ask for the Sizemology class that I saw in the advertisement of the Metro Pulse. I was surprised with the warm welcome I was greeted, and I was so happy. Throughout, the days and the months my relationship with the instructor and some of the students moved from being a mere instructor or classmates relationship to an amazing friendship, and Anna which is my instructor as well as my friend had an amazing idea in making a dance troupe, and I became part of the dance troupe. One of our performances was in the dance studio where we all met, because it was the Gala Opening for the dance studio. I have to give thanks to the Dance Studio that allow me to go back to Dance with enthusiasm and to meet all this amazing women.

Researching History

I have to look back to the mirror of the past, because I needed to see what I needed to learn from those previous experiences, so in the present and in the future I don't make them again. Especially if those past experiences cost us immense pain that we carried on through the years. I didn't want to revisit the past, because I wanted to relive it, but learn from those experiences and make sure we don't make it again. Sometimes unintentionally we tend to make the same mistakes that we made in the past and then we ask ourselves why did this happen?, But when you revisit it you realize and see why. Once you revisit the past to get what you need to get out of it, just say to yourself I got what I wanted which is learn what not to do again, and move on. Close the book and see all the good things that came out of that not only the learning experience out of that, but also the good time spent in those moments, because we tend to keep on to the negative only. There also has to be good moments in those bad moments. Learn from the bad, and remember the good ones. What I want my bloggers to get from this post is while the past has had its bad moments you get something good out of it. The learning factor for not repeating the same negative moments and remembering the good ones.

Value

My husband is in surgery right now, because he fractured his elbow and he needed the surgery, because casting it would have not worked for him, so they opted for surgery for his elbow fracture. I will post as soon as I can images of his X-ray images and himself as soon as I have a chance. Every surgery is important even though some are more severe than others, but they are all just as important, because even people with minor surgeries put their lives in the hand of a surgeon and the probabilities of going either way are like a flip of a coin. We always aim for the good outcome, but we the people that wait in the waiting room are anxious for so many reasons. The person we love is going to be surrounded by strange people that the person we love, their lives is in their hands, and we have the concern and hope that everything is going to be coming out positive. These is reiterating my previous blog, that we have to express our feelings to the one's we love, because at one point they are here and they next they are not. This month of July I have to say it has been kind of trying for me, because two important men in my life have had to go through surgery both for different reasons. I always get anxious when I see anybody I love in pain it breaks my heart, and sometimes I wish it was me experiencing their pain so they wouldn't have to go through it. Everything has its purpose for being, so I shouldn't question why things happen. What I want my followers to get out of this blog is love to your fullest and don't have any restrains, because when you are wanting to express all those emotions it might be too late.

Bumps in the road

When things happen they come together don't they, but throughout this whole ordeal I have remained positive and keeping myself strong, so I keep the ones around me fine. Although believe it is kind of hard at times to always keep that sense that everything is fine, there are times I just want to break down and cry. First, my dad got sick and I had to take him to the hospital it ended up being he needed to have his gallbladder removed and they did and I did stayed in the hospital with him for almost a week in the most uncomfortable sit ever, but it was well worth it, because I know he was happy having me there and I was happy to make sure he was fine. Didn't sleep much in those days I was in the hospital, and on Friday I got into a small fender bender and I felt so stupid, because I really didn't see the car until I heard the thump in the back, and yesterday I had to take my husband to the hospital, because he tripped cutting the yard and shattered one of his bone in his left arm, and I all wanted to do is cry, because I felt all his pain and then they had to do X-rays on him and that was so painful hearing him cry in pain, because they need to position his arm, and now there is a high probability he will need to surgery in that arm. I feel so out of control right now, that I don't know how I can remain standing up without crying somewhere. I need to remain strong for the people that I love. This blog is more for my venting out so many stuff that I got stuck in my throat.

Birthday Party

I had an awesome time at my Birthday party sharing it with amazing friends that mean the world to me. I want to thank all those ladies that came to my birthday to make my day so special, I want to thank my hubby for organizing my birthday party and getting everyone together on my special day I love you sweetie thanks for all your hard work to make me feel so special on my birthday. Yes, Everybody this lady turned an amazing thirty years old. Every year that passes through my life has been some type of learning experience, and I think it is just going to be getting better, it is the first time after so many years I can say I am amazingly happy, because I am becoming the woman I always wanted to me. Thanks for all my supporters and thanks for all the haters, because it made me a stronger person. You like me great and if you don't it is great too, because I fly above all the haters. Thanks again to the amazing women in my life, because they have help me evolve in the person I am turning too and I am loving every minute it and the ride is awesome. It is a true awakening for me.

Concerns

This past two days I have been quite worried about somebody that I care for dearly, because it is hard to see those people you love be fragile, because we want to keep those people in our lives forever, although with a rational mind we know nobody lives forever, but when we feel emotionally we wish we had the people we love around us forever, but not even us are forever. It is just hard to see the people around you that you love sick in any way, and I have been going through that in the past three days, and there are moments where I want to cry, but I need to remain strong for that person so they don't fall apart. I feel at times I don't want to show tears, because I don't want to affect that person's state of mind, but I know I need a good cry to see the anxiety and concerns I have inside get washed away by the tears. Tears are really necessary for our body is releasing certain negative emotions, so right now I feel so surpressed of not expressing on the way I feel. I easily get irritated with people that try to make jokes while I don't feel like jokes, because I am concern right now of one of the person that is in my life that I really care about. At the same time I have to understand those people that want to make jokes, because that is their way of releasing their nerves, there is no perfect way of releasing your concerns and anxiety. Every person is different and releases it different, and I have to create more tolerance of people that show their nervousness and anxieties in a different way. So I do apologize to those people that I have gotten easily irritated with them. What I want my bloggers to get out of those blog is that we need to create more tolerance with each other, because where there is intolerance that is where conflict is built, because there is no tolerance of other people and that fact that everybody expresses their feelings differently. We are unique individuals and we need to communicate with each other in how we are feeling, because of the intolerance we have of people's expression of emotion creates confusion and misunderstandings and that is where we head into trouble. Welcome again for all my bloggers.

Vacation Reflection Part 2

I wrote in my previous blog in my experience spending two days with my amazing daughter sara, and after we spent two days together which I do recommend to all my followers you do with your child it is an amazing experience. We headed to my hometown of Miami to see some of my family members and pick up my grandparents since they wanted to come to TN. I got to see some of my siblings and it was great to see them, because I love them so much and it felt so good to see them. I got to see a friend and sara got to hang out with her daughter, and it was great to see that friend. Although, I really don't miss Miami in itself, because my pace has changed and I have become accustomed to the pace that TN has and I love it, because it is not a constant headache over there it is a constant headache even the driving there is a constant headache the congestion OMG!! That is why when I got home I wanted to kiss it so much, because I missed it so much and the amazing women that I have become friends with, and I also missed my routine of the way I do stuff, but I know you sometimes I need to get away from the routine, but this type of vacation made me realize that I really love where I live and I have to be more appreciative of where I live, because I really love it here the pace is different as well as the people. I love the amazing friends I have made in this state.

Vacation Reflection

I got a chance to spend two days in the beach with my daughter Sara, and it was an amazing time, because we got to spend some girl time with each other, and we got to talk to each other and pretty much express what we felt inside and it was a true awakening for me to see of what an amazing daughter I have. Our children are suppose to learn from us, but we also get to learn from our children, and really in this trip I got to learn so much from my daughter. It almost brought tears to my eyes when my daughter was expressing her feelings, because finally she opened up with me and let me know how she felt about certain situations, because my daughter tends to be kind of reserved with her feelings and she ended up to open up with me, and she talked to me quite maturely and this is only my eleven year old child, but that little girl is so wise and the way she expresses herself. Ofcourse, she does have her childish moments, but those are normal moments, because even us as adults have our childish moments. I will continue on with the second part of this vacation reflection on my other blog. Welcome again to all my followers and potential followers.

Enthusiasm

I feel there are so many good things awaiting for me, and I just have to open my arms wide. I am so grateful of the friends that I have acquired little by little they have been taking me out of my shell, and shown me how amazing of a person I am. As well, as they have shown me new ways to view life, I hope that I have helped them view a certain things differently. Thank you ladies for being the individuals that you are, because ladies you are amazing and have brought an immense happiness to my life. I just wanted to share that with my bloggers that I am so happy in the friends I have acquired through the years and months. I was this girl from Miami,Florida that didn't know if she could accomplish to make friends in this other state, because for 21 years of my life I lived around my family and I had very slim amount of friends, and it made it complicated when I moved to a strange state that I did not know anyone, and I didn't have the confidence to make friends as well. Throughout my years living here in TN I fell in love with this state and I began acquiring extraordinary friends, and they have made me see how wonderful a friendship could be. Thanks again to those amazing women in my life. Yes, you have a family you were born with but there is a family you create and it is so amazing.

Nostalgia

I went to a Memorial service to a lady that I met very briefly in my life, but I heard all the people that knew her longer and all the amazing things this lady brought into those people's life, and it took me back with my mom. Although, my mom didn't die as tragically as the lady that i went to her memorial service, but what this lady and my mom had in common is that they had amazing hearts for people and their souls were so precious. My mother was consumed little by little with all the pain she carried until she got really sick and in the long run she died. We tend not to demonstrate our feelings towards the people that we love, because we are too consumed with work or whatever is going on in our lives, and I am guilty of that, because I have people in my life that I love very dearly, but I rarely tell them how much I love them, although I am getting better at it. I still need to work on it. One second that person might be there and the next they will be gone. I must be all over the place with this blog, but I have so many feelings inside me that is hard to concentrate on one idea. I just would have liked to know my mother better, but I have the people in my life that knew her and tell me stories about her, and I love when I hear stories about her, because I am getting a pieces of that puzzle that were missing. What I want my followers to get out this blog is that take advantage of all the days, hours, seconds, seasons that you get to spend with the people you love and tell them how much you care about them, and all they mean to you. I love you Mom and I will always carry you in my heart.

Words do tend to affect us.

People say sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will not hurt me. I think that saying is so wrong, because words are more powerful than anything. Some people in my life taught me how to repress emotion, because showing emotions is a sign of weakness. When I was little it was my sperm donor and I call him that, because he didn't do anything positive in my life all the things I remember of that man were negative, that he stole a nice chunk of my childhood including his family. I have also had other important people in my life that when I was depressed and had suicidal thoughts their way of dealing with my depression is beating me up, and when I had a heart break and found out I was pregnant with my child at a young age those people called me drama queen, because I was dealing with a heartbreak, and little by little I started repressing my emotions, because I considered a sign of weakness. Now, I know better showing your emotions is a liberation of emotions, because we bottle our emotions inside we tend to become emotional and physically ill, and we become poison to ourselves. I have seen people that have so many years of repression and all of a sudden let it out, and all the negative energy comes out. When you have something to say, say it don't hold it in, because it will hurt you in the long run. Showing emotions it is not a sign of weakness it is a sign that we feel and show it.We hide those feelings in the mask that people want to see the smile, but really what does that person feel?

Question when guys say women are clingy.

Heard from so many guys, "oh, but she is too clingy." "Really why do you think she is clingy?" I would like a guy to give me a description of what they think is a clingy behavior? Is it that the woman you are with shows to much emotion, that you want her to show less? Or is it that the woman wants to make you happy and tries to bend over backwards to make you happy? I had a conversation with one of my good friends and we were talking about a person in my life that used that word referring to a girl he was in a relationship with. I know there are some women out there that are unstable, but we are talking about women that show their emotions and they want to show their significant other how much they love them. Sometimes, men make women feel that they are going crazy for showing all those emotions and how happy that person makes them feel, but they confuse it with clingness. So, should a guy devalue on the way the woman tries to show her affection by calling her clingy, or tell her thank you for loving me the way you do? I just would like to understand what men consider clingness in a woman.

Back from Another Road Trip

Well in this road trip, my older daughter decided to stay with her grandparents. It was great that she wanted to spend time with her grandparents, but at the same time I missed her, and my son also missed her no matter how much they fight with each other they are always thinking about each other. Jared was always telling us how much he missed sara, and sara called on the cellphone to talk to her siblings as well. That melted my heart when I see them interactive with each other with so much love. Well, we first went to Charlotte, North Carolina for one of my husband's business meetings and then the last place we went to was Huntsville, Alabama. I have to see the place was nice and the hotel room was nice as well. I am repeating again what I said in my last blog although I need to spend some alone time so I can get all my ideas together. I love my kiddos, but sometimes you need some alone time to think of ideas and among other things. You can really think when you have somebody constantly tell you,"Mommy are we there yet." That was the whole ride and the youngest one crying, because she always dropped something by the end of the ride to the hotel I wanted to pull every last hair of my head. Don't get me wrong most of the time they are great but they are not the best long road trip buddies. I love you Sara, Jared, and Angela. So, don't get me wrong kiddos mommy loves you.

Back from a trip with the family

We went to Atlanta with hubby and the kiddos. I love spending time with them, because I see them with their ideas running wild and innocent, and I get to live those experiences I never went through as a child. At the same time, I am realizing I am needing a much needed time to spend with myself, and I am thinking I should do a trip on my own to think of all the good things that has happened in my life as well as all the things I want to get rid off in my life. There are stuff in my life that don't work anymore or hasn't work for me in the past, and they avoid for me to keeping on progressing in my journey of life, because I am too much stuck in my past that I am letting the present get away from me. I had a fruitful weekend, because what I did during the weekend that make it fruitful. I will be going on another family trip tomorrow so I will keep you guys posted.

Emotional Day

I had a convo with somebody important in my life, and I felt like I needed it to help him, because I know he is in so much pain. It is an immense pain that it is unexplainable, you just want to quiet down that pain. The problem is the people around him don't know how to deal with him, because everybody thinks he is a problem. He needs so much love, because that pain is affecting him in every aspect of his life, and as well as some professional help. We live in a world where we don't realize this children that have no parents, and came from an abusive home all the damages that come from that. It creates so much damage to somebody, especially a little boy at age 3 seeing the person that he most loved in the world inside a casket, and thinking that she is sleeping, and she will wake up soon. Growing without the love of that special woman in your life that would love you no matter how many mistakes you make in your life, and always having her arms wide open to tell you to rest all your pain on her shoulder and share you pain and tell you that she still loves you no matter what. Sometimes we forget how valuable this women are in our lives, and we take them for granted, but we don't realize how that affects us when they are no longer here. While you might have differences with those ladies remember who they are, and why it is they are telling you those stuff, before it is too late. While I do understand the reasoning in my mother's death it doesn't make it easy, because while I understand her death she is missed by many of my siblings some admit it and others just repress it and hide it. It would have been great for her to be there and tell me that she will be there to support me no matter what, it would have been great for her to be there on the birth of her first grandchild, it would have been great to share on those first moments of her grandchildren, it would have been great for her to be there for my wedding and tell me that I did good in the man I picked as my lifetime companion and give me her blessing. I know she was there in spirit in all those events in my life, but it would have been better if she was there with me in all those moments, as well for my siblings.

Fly above

I remember an episode of Housewives of Atlanta and one of the wives is Kandi which she has an amazing voice, but I loved the song that she was working on in the show which is I fly above. How many people have other people hating them just for the life they have, and they try to put some type of salt in that happiness? I love the song, because I have had people in my life that have had issues with me, because on the way I am, or the way I carry my life. While I do feel sad, because those people mean something in my life, I can not let it drag me down, because at the same time it is not my fault. I can not apologize for my life that I have and continue to have. We all have to look at our mirrors and see at the changes we need to do if we are not happy with what we see in the mirror and quit looking at other people's mirrors.

Welcome to the New Beginning for New Princess

Welcome to my new blog which will deal with my journey of my life. Yes, I am married to a remarkable man, and three amazing children. Sometimes I will be writing about them and sometimes just in how I feel. The beginning of my existence mold me to who I am, but the new experiences are changing some parts of those old molding which is great. I am realizing that I am wanting to keep those molds, and others I want to get rid of it, because they don't serve me one bit. I want to get rid of all the anger, resentment, hate, and all the negative feelings I have towards my past. I have to be happy in the person I turned out to be through out all the painful events that went on in my life, it is so normal to see how many people get suck on those negative feelings, and believe me I am not the exception, but it is just so draining and time consuming. I am having a new layout on my past while painful it might have been it made me a stronger person to face things head on. I wish I can inspire other women to be strong and face life and whatever it might bring. Be strong to say no more I am not a doormat, I am not your punishing bag, I am not your excuse to not seeking help, and I am not going to take it anymore. My mother took it for a long time, and it ended it up consuming her soul, because she just kept hidden her emotions so she wouldn't get her husband upset at her, but the resentment started building inside her that it was consuming her soul, and the end result she got ill. In some way, I was like my mom I kept stuff bottled up inside until I can not take any longer. It is sad the feeling of loneliness when you have so many people around you that love you, but you won't let them in, because you are afraid that they are going to hurt you, so you put this guard up. I understand that we need to be cautious in who we invite in our lives, but when are we being overprotective with ourselves, that we start shutting people down? Even when we don't start realizing what we are doing we can be very lonely people, because how are people going to know who we are if we don't let them in, and show that person how amazing we are. Relationships of any type are a gamble sometimes we win and sometimes we lose, but the fun thing about it is that we try to let people in better than not, and believe this advice I am also saying it for myself, because I have been like that for a long time. I always had the idea I will hurt them first before they hurt me, and that is illogical, because I was judging people for other people's mistakes, and that is not fair to judge other people for others mistakes. Welcome again to my Blog.