Weight Progress Pt.2

 As promised I would post images on my progress, and here they are.. The journey of my road to getting healthy and gaining that piece of me that I lost along the way, and I will be a much happier individual. So far in this journey I have lost 27 pounds and counting cause this girl is not stopping for anyone.. I have my motor running and there is no way ur stopping me.. I want to be me so much I don't want look  like somebody else. I am wanting to look to be me just a more healthier me version. I will keep u post it on my continue healthy journey..

Weight Progress-

I started weight watchers in the end of july and still going at it. I believe Im making wiser choices in my way of eating, and believe Im a heck of a lot more active than anytime before in my life, even when I was in high school wouldn't recognize this girl on how active I have becomed. I have had  two attempts of trying to lose weight, but I guess my mind was not connecting with the desire to lose the weight or maybe I was not really invested, and I hadn't for a while. It took something tragic in my life to shake me hard and tell me enjoy the life that you are given and don't dwell on stuff that you can not fix, or being stuck in the past, but you can fix the stuff that make you unhappy. My main source of my unhappiness is my weight, because I never weighted the amount I did. That tragedy in my life is somebody that died and he was very close to my heart, and I'm so thankful to him for the stuff that he did for me while was he was alive and I hope he knows that wherever he is, and after death he has become some type of muse for me. To remind me to enjoy life, love, and be HAPPY!!! Because to let your life end with you have nothing and Im not speaking about the material stuff I'm speaking of the emotional value that we leave in this world for ourselves and others.. He was loved very much by me it is too bad that I got there late to say goodbye, but tio Gracias(Thank you). Te Quiero Mucho(I love you so much). Again, he is my muse for this new chapter in my life which is getting healthier and a happier person. In the end of July I weigh in at 224 when I first start my Weight Watchers and my life changing journey, and I have great moments at the scale, and some not great moment in the scale. I can proudly say when I did my last weigh in which was October 29. 2013 I lost 4.2 for that week, and overall lost in total 20 pounds. So, now Im weighing 203.8. I'm getting a little bit more closer to that goal I want to reach.. I know I promised pictures and they will be coming soon...If you want to change something that makes you unhappy and you can do something about it go ahead and do it, don't let it be that monkey on your back, because it is in your power to remove it..

track Track and more Track!!

What is this well the people that came up with call it the Fitbit, but for me it is my conscious of that fact that it helps me keep track of my daily activity. It is addictive in the sense that you always want to accomplish your activity minutes, and steps, and sometimes I do, but other times I don't but at least I reach my activity. It is much better than what I was before, because I didn't have anything really tracking my activity. Not only do I have to watch what I eat, but my activities of the day. I'm thankful to my tracker and my WW group, because it reminds me where I want to head, and remind me of my primary goal which is to get on a healthy weight, and I'm NOT on a DIET!! I'm just making healthier choices in what I can eat, and do more activities throughout my day. So far I have lost 11 pounds and I still have some more steps to travel when it comes to getting healthier, but I have to thank my fitbit and WW group for keeping me on my toes and reminding me why Im doing this in the first place. I will be posting  some pictures on my blog soon. My advise is if you are wanting to get healthier just remember to do it in a safe way and healthy. It is very easy to fall prey on those things lose this amount of weight in this amount of time, but everything you want you work hard for it, and a little pill is not going to help accomplish that. When you work hard for something you feel it even more, because u know all the hardwork it took for you to accomplish your goals of being healthier.. That is just an advice from this girl.

Rebuilding life back on track...

I have been slacking on certain areas of my life for so many reasons. Realistically, there is no exact reason the only person I can blame is the person I see in the mirror every day. Although at times I don't have the fortitude to deal with certain issues in my life, and I substitute those things with other things  that are probably just as bad or worse as the issue. I need to get my head straight get the strength to reach my light and my full potential. I am doing a great disservice to the people that love me and respect me, and I can not be a bad example for my children, because at least my oldest is looking up to me, and I don't want to give her wrong ideas to deal with issues you have to face them and deal with the emotions that come with it. I am super motivated to gaining my goal, and I pray to God to give me the strength not to deviate for any reason, and give me the strength to see the goal at hand and that is going to be hardwork, but it is not impossible to reach that light at the end of that tunnel.

Introvert and loving it...

In any social gathering I tend to be the quiet one or the one hiding in a corner somewhere, because realistically I don't do that well in social gatherings especially with people I don't know that well or at all. When I get put in that situation I usually have some type of anxiety. I was sheltered to much and I was mostly surrounded by family members, so my friends were slim pickings and some of the pickings were great and others were horrible that I've had some stomach pains for a while, but  for those stomach pains I learned something out of. Everything is a learning experience even the painful ones.I got married to an amazing and understanding husband, because he accepted me for who I was and who I am, there might be some changes but my essences is the same and the people that know me know that. My husband got a good opportunity for his career and I told him to take it, because it would improve our family lifestyle, but that meant moving to whole different state and away from my family. While I know it was scary I managed to be supportive towards my husband, and we finally moved to TN everything was new. New environment, new people, and different pace of life. One of the first impression of TN is a good place to raise a family. The first  year the only social interaction I had was with my husband, my four year old daughter, and the preschool teachers of my daughter. The second year we had our own house here in TN cementing that we were planning our roots here for our daughter and future offsprings.Cutting the story short it took me a while to have the friends that I have now, they are small group of women that I respect, admire, and love, and as well as my children they inspire me with their way of viewing life, love, and everything else. It took me a while to get the relationships I have cemented, because there were some bumps in the road to have the relationships that I have now and that I cherish with all my heart. It is hard for me to get to know people, because I'm really not a social butterfly, but God gave me an amazing gift that I got to meet this amazing women that I'm beyond words appreciative that I have this women in my life, because they welcomed me with open arms in their life and have given me so much even though they might not see it, but I do see it and feel it. This introvert girl will always be thankful to God,and my angels to have given me those amazing women as my close-net friends, because they are more their friends they are family at least to me.Many people can have a lot of friends but when you hide in the cloud of many people you forget the quality of that person, because there is so many people that you lose your eyesight and forget the importance of the quality not the quantity. So, at least being an introvert as worked in my favor, because I have people in my life that truly love me for who I am and what I stand for and I hope I do the same for them.. Those friends I love you guys, because you have given this introverted girl so much love, lessons of life, an open-mind.. Love ya ladies.. That is why I say INTROVERT And Loving it...

Lost

I had some many stuff happen in my life that now I am super lost.. All the goals I had set myself I have not achieved, because I feel like I don't know what do with myself. I have gain and lost weight, pretty much you can call me yoyo girl, cause i there, but I just automatically gave up and I have gain more than I have in the past, and I feel unhappy with that, but at the same time I've just given up all together is that all the things that interest me before it doesn't.. It is like everyone has moved on, but I still stuck in the box, and there was an illusion that I was out of the box, but again I'm back in the box, and it give me at a little getaway from the box but it was temporary. I just want to know would I be able to get really get out of the box and I achieve that happiness of self-fulfilment. I want to be a productive person not just be here in this box all by myself, but every time I try to do it. It hurts to much physically and mentally. I just needed to vent out some my internal frustrations.

Farewell to my dear Uncle

I didn't know how ill my uncle was until it was too late, and I felt bad that I wasn't able to tell him Thank you for being the person he was with me and my family. People that come to your life give you a good impact in your life or they don't. My uncle gave a big important impact in my life or shall I say he was a my savior in my time of need. He was the only one the understood me and stood up for my belief even if it was against our family. He helped me voice my opinion concerning a difficult time in my life, because the people responsible in my life wanted my voice to diminish as if only their voices are the one's that counted and they knew what was best for me. 

My uncle wanted to hear my voice and what I wanted, and he really didn't need to do anything, because he had his own life and problems. He saw that I had a need for a father figure in my time of need he stepped up for the role.  I can never ever repay him for what he did to me and my life. He is always going to be in my heart and he is another Angel keeping my mom company in watching out for us.. 

Im thankful to God for have given me an amazing man in my life that I am proud to call my Uncle, while he was having a truly hard time in his life he always managed to continue moving and loving.. 

I'm just sorry I couldn't tell you that I love you and thank you so much that you gave me the strength to stand up for what I belief even if it is going against people of my own blood for my belief. 

I hope wherever my uncle is at he knows that I loved him very much and respected him and I've very appreciative for all the things he did for me, that I can never repay him for all that he did for me..

I hope tio that you have the peace that I know you so much needed. Love you Tio..

Evil in the flesh.

My childhood was painful memories with the exception of the good memories I had with my maternal grandparents that finished raising me after my mom died. I hadn't thought of those horrible childhood memories in a while. I have kept my distance from certain people primarily the people the contributed to those painful childhood memories which we were my paternal grandmother, my sperm donor of a father, and my step grandpapa. It indirectly those horrible memories came back to me when that old lady that now looks like a little nice old lady that other people might think that she is the sweetest thing, but her and I know her dark side.. She sent an email to one of my sister and my sister confided in me, because she didn't know what to do, because this lady has stuff that belongs to my mother, and now she is acting the victim, and using my mother and God into the mail,  just reading that email she sent my sister made my stomach churn, because of disgust and the audacity this lady had just even messaging my sister. In my mind, I go is this lady crazy or stupid, but she is neither. There is many things running through my mind and the main feeling I get out of all the feelings is RAGE!!! I want to tell her off for so many reasons. My mother is sacred to me and saw my mother suffering first hand, and the suffering she caused my siblings and me and now she wants to use on how my mother would be so sad for my sister being hateful towards her and I thought is this lady serious. I call her lady, because again she is old, but she is not even a lady. I am so going on and on about this lady, but I don't know what to think. I know I am not going to heaven at least in the religion I was raised, because you have to learn to forgive people even people that have created so much harm in your life, but for me I can not deem myself to forgive her or her son, because that old man that was one of the contributors of my childhood horrors is already where he needs to be six feet under so is responding to somebody else about his sins. I feel to send her an email to give her a piece of my mind, but at the same time I have to respect the fact that she didn't send it to me and to my sister, and it is her decision on how she wants to deal with this situation. I'm so glad that it was not me being in that situation, and my heart goes out to my sister and I do hope she does the right thing for her. 

Love Gamble

When we are young we find our first love and excited for that moment that you feel that certain feeling that you never felt before, and you want it to last forever, but sometimes unfortunately it doesn't. Either, because we makes mistakes that we regret later, but we can not take it back and it changes the relationship or it is fractured it to the point of no repair. Some people might grow apart, because they are not able to handle differences between the relationship dynamics, and it is better to be separate than together. So, many reasons a relationship could fail. Again, getting to the part where we are young we think we will never love again, but I think it opens our eyes to the possibilities of a new love, but with your eyes wide open this time and whatever went wrong in those previous relationships take them as lessons not to repeat in future ones. Don't let guys play with your emotions, because they know you still have feelings for them, because you are worth a lot more than just being a booty call. There is somebody out there that will appreciate and value your love and not play the yo-yo game. Don't let anyone toy with your emotions, because no matter what mistakes you might have done in the relationship there is no reason somebody should toy with your emotions. Just let life take care of things and put things in their place. Love will come when it comes you don't have to push it or just get what you can get, because you are not giving yourself enough value. Love is a risk, but how far are you willing to risk? Especially when you know you are losing so much? Are you willing to take it to the point where you  don't even know who you are anymore and think you deserve what you get. NO NO!! You deserve more than that and NOBODY!! has the right to treat like a toy.. You can tell them while their making up their childish mind your moving on and see ya later sweetie cause I am above you.. Sometimes you have to know when to quit, because you might lose yourself... Valetine day tip- if the person you have next to you is not worthy of you, you need to celebrate on your own, because who can love you better than yourself..