Review of 2012

2012 brought me so many things in my life happiness, sadness, disappointment, heartbreak, laughter, tears. It made me realize that we can not go crazy  in what we could've done differently, and learned to take it as a lesson and not let me hold me back. I love the people that are part of my life and people that were part of my life, because those of you that are in my life have brought me so many blessings that I Thank God everyday for it. People that were part of my life thank you for the lessons you taught me, because of that I know what I want and I don't want in my life. I know that I want to be who I am and that people that are around me truly accept all of me not a teaspoon of it, but believe me if you need to tell me you need to put your brakes nineette I will gladly listen to it.. I love intensely and I give loyalty to the max, because without that what are we. I realized I am truly a passionate individual, but don't not cross me, because while at the same time I love passionately with that same intensity I will show my other side. I am a complex individual, but you can never say I am two faced person. I will show you or express in some way how I truly feel about you. I'm not very diplomatic person never got to learn that. Disappointments come in many ways, because I  disappointed myself in the fact that I didn't get to complete my goal, because I let other stuff consume me, and I guess for my New Year resolution is that need to form a stable foundation and not let anything come in the way of my main goal for this upcoming year, and I will keep my followers informed about where I will be heading in this journey in my life.

Young Love

I have a two daughter's, and I love them to my very core so when they are hurt in anyway I hurt at the same time they are in pain. It breaks my heart, and I want to hurt anything in sight that harms them. My oldest daughter is already in the dating phase and I guess it is scary for me, because I really don't have that much experience with that, because I had two important boyfriends in my life that impact it my life in one way or another. I know how heartaches feels it takes a while to get over somebody. I know my daughter is still hurting inside from her breakup that happened a while back at the beginning she was very vocal about it, but now it is a hidden pain. That she tries to lie to herself that she has moved on and she doesn't think of this guy. She had to learn the hard way certain things you shouldn't do in a relationship, because in this relationship no working out she has so much to felt guilty, but I do hope she took that as a lesson to her next relationship. It still breaks me inside to see her still hurt, because she see's how easily he moved on and I think she feels stuck, and I don't know how to get her out of that funk. Yes, I know she messed up but it takes two tango in a relationship. She is a valuable young woman and she is sensitive and loving. Like any teenager she has her moments, but she when she loves she does it with heart and soul. She is an amazing young woman and I am happy that she is turning into an amazing young woman that loves with intensity. You will find that right guy for you that will treat you the way you need to be treated like you are is Goddess... Never settle for less than a guy treating you like a Goddess...

Photo Challenge-Reflection

I had an inspiration by a dear friend of mine to do a photo challenge for the month, and I started doing it for the month of November, and one of the challenges that I truly want it to blog about is Day 7 which is reflection, and it is easy to think of reflection of ourselves, but I want it to do something different, and I did I took a picture of my children and me. The reason I did that is because what is the biggest reflection we can have ourselves it is our children. They acquire the good and bads of our personalities, so they are like walking big mirrors. Sometimes we forget that whatever actions we do good or bad we have little sponges absorbing everything. I'm a mirror of the people that raised me for good and bad. My parents or grandparents like other people want me to call them, but they raised me to be the woman that I am now. Good things I absorbed for my parents is proper morals, values, and make sure I do things in my life right, because when you don't do things right it always comes back to bite you in the butt. I am not saying my parents are perfect, because again nobody in this world is perfect. I got more of my dad then my mom, because I want to be strong and not let anybody step on me like a doormat not even my children, because realistic I am nobodies doormat, and that includes my children. I love my children to my very core of my soul, but I will not allow them to disrespect me in anyway possible. I guess it is what we want to acquire from our parents. I don't agree that we should maintain grudges either life is to short. I guess is know how to give boundaries to people without hurting them, but let them know this is how's far as you can go!! My children make me happy, mad, sad, laugh, and cry. Among other emotions, but I won't change my children for the world, because they are little me walking around and I have to measure myself at times with what I do and say, because again they are little sponges they absorb absolutely everything. We don't give our children enough credit on how quickly they can learn stuff. I hope my children acquire the good things that I lay out. Sara no matter how teenager she might be, she has a heart of Gold and she cares for other people, and as a daughter she cares for me so much that when I sick she helps me around the house and her siblings. Jared is a sensitive little man that I'm definitely raising a caring a gentle man that will give all the love he has to offer. Angela is a strong minded little girl, and knows what she wants very driven little one, and persist. Well this is my little blog of the day I hope you guys get something about of my little blog chatter.

what to do and think on a cloudy day??

The sun is not out today it is not even peeking through the clouds. In a way it is good, because there is no sun hitting you with their rays or raining that makes you unable to do things outdoors, but it is just cloudy and windy, but it is wind that is just right that gives a nice breezy that strokes your hair. I had to do grocery this morning and it was nice being outside with the calm wind blowing through my hair. I think though this a day for me to stay indoors and snuggle in my bed and watch movies. My kiddos didn't have school today and they are having fun in their own little planet. I just wish my husband was here with us, but I understand he has to earn the money for the house and it is a sacrifice we have to understand, because he is doing all this for us and the benefit of our family. I guess this weather makes you have those reflection days where you get to look a your life and see where is at, where is heading, changes you want to make if any, the good things that you have that at times we take for granted. I am beyond from being a perfect anything, but I need to be more appreciative of what life has given me. What I have is a gift my family, my friends, and the chance that I am able to enjoy what I have. I truly do love everybody in my life, and I don't say it much to those people, but I do love them dearly that have brought so much in my life. Time passes so fast that it doesn't give us time to catch our breath, so that is why everything we take we have to enjoy it and not overanalyze it to death. We are running all the time and we have not one second or even a moment to look at the beauty that we look at everyday. Here where I live I see the leaves change color with the season changes right now the leaves are those beautiful reds, orange, yellow. How nature is that they start to understand when the change is coming and go with it.. I guess this blog is just me babbling, because I am indoors and I thought I might write some lines in my blog.

Overcoming fear and taking my own advices

So many things have changed in this couple of years some for the good and others let just put it as a learning block, because they weren't bad they were there just to teach you a lesson. Those lessons were just to hard to handle, because I had to do stuff that I thought I would never do, which is withdraw from  a friendship that longer was working from neither that person or myself. While our paths intertwined at one point in our lives little by little it started to not as much.. I hold no anger, no grudge, and I wish her the best in this world. I didn't know how much our lives were intertwined when I saw the effects it had later, because I enjoyed the dance part of it, the performing.. I just need to find a way to do dance and enjoy it. I also enjoyed burlesque, but I truly don't know which way to approach it, because I hate when people have a preconceived notion of what type of person you are, and truly just want to perform not deal with drama. I am not catty and if you are going to say something say it right in front of me with proof in your hand, because if not just keep your mouth shut. I am getting tired of people judging me from other people's opinion about me, just get to know me and from that point you will get to decide if you like me or you don't. Regardless, I still want to perform but I am kind of stuck and a little fearful, but things do not come to you. I just have to figure out a way of doing something about it. I have been in kind of going through the motions, because of being busy everyday doing something for myself and enjoying to absolutely doing nothing. I am so good at giving advice, but I not good at following my own advice, and I feel at times like such hypocrite, because you have to be strong, but where am I being strong? I am letting my fears control me again, and I don't want to get in that place where I become a hermit. I do have amazing friends around me that truly know me and love me and let me know when I am full of it.. Like I said to a friend I don't like to be feathered, like to be told the truth right in front of my face. I will conquer this fears and get back to the person I was becoming, before I had an emotional and disappointing point in my life. I will get out of this and I will find something that will get in the positive route I was on and figure out the way on keeping on that direction and keeping myself on that road, I don't want to be in this road of insecurity and fear.. I know I can do I just have to put myself out there, and know that I have the ability to do it, since I did it once I can do it again. Again, I want to thank those amazing ladies that been my friends. Ladies let me know when I am being a pill, because I far beyond from being perfect.. Right now it is blah blah blah.... I know it sounds like I am ranting, but I will conquer.. Fear I will take you on again..

Fifty Shade of Grey-Darker

Anastasia and Christian Grey Main Characters of this story.

Anastasia character shows some of the flaws that we as females have we are our own worse critics, because we have to change some of our ways to make somebody happy, but we forget that the person that is with us loves us regardless of our virtues and flaws, but when we think we have a good partner in our lives there is something wrong with us, or we need to change to make our partners happy. Our partners are just happy to be with us, and love us regardless of anything else.  We focus to much on the negative aspects of our physical appearances, because of what society lays out for us. I believe in live the way you want to leave, why live in other people's perspective on the way they think you should be? We are not here to please other's in the sense to let them control our lives and make us decide our life. The people that truly love the genuine you will love you regardless of anything. We all have our ying and yang moments, but don't judge yourself, because of the negative stuff that has happen in your life or the negative stuff you decided to do. The negative stuff is a learning tool to help us not to make it again or grow from it, but don't dwell it on it. Life is borrowed time, and we have to soak the juice of life in the Good way, let's not dwell in if I am fat, should I eat this, I am not beautiful, I am too skinny, or whatever else negative you have to say about yourself. We are beautiful with our imperfections, and remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I know some people say that is what ugly girls say, but who is much uglier the person seeing beyond the physical appearance of the person and getting to know that person, or the person that prefers to dwell on just the physical, somebody is going to be one lonely person. External Beauty can go so far, it is our soul that lives with us that shows our true beauty. Loving this book by the way I highly recommend it. Anastasia in this story has also to deal with her own demons dealing with the fact that this gorgeous man loves her beyond anything and she belittles herself, because she thinks that she is not enough for him. So, truly is Christian the only one with issues or shall we say Anastasia you need to go see Dr. Flynn as well.

Fifty Shades of Grey-Review

A friend recommended this book to read, because it was recommended by another person she knew, but that friend hasn't read the book. So, I decided to go buy the book and the book itself was not that expensive, and I bought it at the nearest target, because for me to go to nearest bookstore, I have to drive a half an hour so I decided to look at my nearest store to see if they had there, and I was happy to find it that they had it there. I don't have so much time to invest in reading due to the fact that I have three kiddos that keep me busy for the most part, and around the stuff that I have to due, but I set some time to at least see what all the fuss is about with the book, so I usually have my morning saturday ritual with my friends, but I left a little earlier to able to do some reading of the book. I started understanding in some way the reason some people were commenting on the book, but OMG I just finished the book and it took me a week to finish the book, but I think it would have taken my less time if I didn't have so much to do. I don't want to give so much away of the book, because this a book I would recommend individuals to read, and it is not for the light-hearted, individuals with a narrow-mind, or individuals that can not see life beyond. This book is very addicting from the first chapter. I couldn't put the book down, and I want to read more and more of the book that is how addicting it was, and it has been a while that a book has caused a reaction like that in me. I cant say there has been books that caused that in me. To all my friends or bloggers following me I recommend your read this book it is off the chain, and now to read the second book.

Changes/stuck

So, many stuff have happened at the beginning of this year that have left with so many questions?? Some about the trust I lay out  and maybe sometimes my over cautious nature, and it is kind of lonely not be able to share stuff with the people around me, because I am so afraid to be vulnerable, but at the same time this is not helping me out with my health neither my emotional stability. I question my capabilities everybody else see's is it around me, and I myself need to get out of the hole I made from myself, just when I think I am out of the hole something reminds me it is an illusion and becomes quick sand and I am stuck back in that whole. I do want to make a change in my life and make it stick I hate when I think I am moving forward and just when I think I have hit solid ground the quick sand happens and I go back to that same hole. I do feel deeply especially when I get cut physically and emotionally, but while the physical part heals very quickly what about the emotional scars that people leave you in your soul. I have so many battle scars that is hard to count on how many, but I still keep on going, because I have motivates to keep me standing. Although, believe me it is hard at times to keep a smile on my face when I have so much pain inside not only from old scars, but the new scars created in my soul, maybe I am a tormented soul, but I want to make this life for me work and use all the assets I have and all the things I have learned from my past and what I am living now for me to make an amazing positive change in my life with steady pass and a true solid ground, not the illusion of a solid ground. I am getting tired of going back to those cycles that don't work for me and haven't worked. I want to appreciate every breath I take, enjoy the people that love me and want to me part of my life. I do truly love my family and friends, and by friends I mean the one's that truly have known me the true me and loved me with all my good and bad moments. A while back I wanted to lose the weight, but before I can work on my weight I have to work on myself meaning myself worth as a person and what makes me happy. I think of everybody else and I leave myself for last, because at times I think if I do that I would be selfish, but I guess we need to have those moments where we have to think where we want to head our lives and how we want to live the life we have. I want to make a change that will make me happy, because I know when I find my happiness it will improve my health and make me even stronger to withstand the stronger of storms and not shake me in the least. I want to lose the weight, but first I have to work on why I have not lost that weight?? That is a question I have to figure out and that is a challenge that I am willing to take, because I am sick and tired I need a CHANGE!!!! 

Broken

There are times you wonder if heartbreak is the only type of pain, and the loss of a family member, but what about the loss of a friendship that hurts as well to your very core. I broke up a friendship for reasons that was necessary due to the fact that many things can not be forgiven at least for me which was betrayal. Lying by omission and not letting me know or at least giving me a heads up and finding through different avenues. I believed in this individual and I trusted her even with my eyes closed, and I found the hard way that I put my admiration and trust to the wrong person. I am not saying I am perfect in the least, but I have to come value myself as a friend and I know what I bring to the table, and whoever are my friends know that I go far and beyond for my friends, and I trust my friends beyond anything unless they prove otherwise and that is the situation that happened with this friend. A couple of days ago I was even thinking that I was being too harsh with that individual, and I should not be that hard, because again I am not perfect what so ever, and I asked God to give me a sign to understand if I did the right thing, but God gave me a sign that turned my world upside down for the day. I almost lost an important friendship, because this friendship has brought so many positive changes in my life and view life in a different way. I do have a voice and I do matter and I need to stop letting people step on me. I am strong woman with so much to say. Again, I almost lost that important friendship, because of the individual I thought at one point a dear friend to me, and she indirectly  almost cost me another friendship, because of an indiscretion. Sometimes we have to think how we say things and who we confide our concerns too. I was in the cross fires of a conversation of two individuals. So, God I got your message believe me I got your message LOUD and CLEAR!!!

Just because....

We all have those moments in our lives.... Where we have to say goodbye to somebody that is not right in our lives... Good-bye to those that don't serve any good purpose in our life. I am letting go of all the hurt, anger, pain, frustration, heartache, and this song explains it good for me. I need to start opening myself to happiness and seeing all the good people I have in my life and appreciate them, because they have always been there to love me and care for me; for just the person I am, and good-bye to those that don't accept me for who I am. I am important and I do matter especially to the people that have wanted me and welcomed me into their lives. Thank you to those people for loving me and accepting with the way I am with my flaws and my good stuff.

Sewing Project 4

I made a lil shirt and pants for my friend's son and I was happy with it. I need to practice with the part of the shirt part, but overall it came out pretty good. I will try something a little different for my son shirt, and see how that works out thanks to my mother-in-laws suggestion I will try a stabilizer for the patch work on the shirt. I will see all my followers later with on the next blog.